Another day, another crime, another Drug Lord opens an offshore account through a shell company. Orderly is in the Office early in the morning, but today he is particularly perplexed over drugs. The ‘fleo’ is getting out of hand and VP has been advocating a ‘tuffer’ stance in the assembly. Too many youngsters are being rounded up by the ‘bokbok’! Very bad for our image and Orderly is a very worried man…
Orderly: A very good morning Sir, Mr. President. We must address this drug problem and the crime situation ‘presto’! We are being compared to Columbia. Weekly has reported that things are “Totally Out of Control”. What’s going on Sir? The last time they reported that the barrel of oil would go up to $150.00. It has now reached $148.00. And now, this drugs thing Sir. These guys seem to know their stuff better than we do… they seem to be more in tune with ‘larealite lavi’…
Mr. President: Yes, yes, Orderly. I know. I brought these Irish hounds into the country to provide me with a back up to the drug problem. I keep them here on State House grounds and send them to the airport and port once in a while. This keeps the school kids from scaling the fence to our gardens next to the Court of Appeal building in town with their drugs. I don’t want anyone high at State House.
Orderly: Mr. President, the Irish speak English, how are they going to catch drug dealers that speak Creole? No wonder they are harassing our tourists on arrival at the airport. They are sniffing at the wrong holes! This is a blow to our image Sir. The visitors are not amused with dogs jumping all over their suitcases and sniffing at their clothes.
Mr. President: Well, good point Orderly. I never thought about that. We have to figure out a strategy there. The drug squad under the goons is totally out of control. They are having a whale of a time on the streets beating up everyone in sight, stealing people’s cash and jewelleries. They are now known as the terror squad and they are profiting royally from this new trade – they are acting as if they are Miami Vice! And yes my man, this is really tarnishing our reputation. What impression are we giving our visiting Ambassadors and diplomats??
Orderly: Sir, yes the Irish don’t understand our people. Our crooks are smart. They are World Class. That’s why they have earned the nickname of Escobars! In fact they are so smart that they even have key posts in Government, the Army, Coast Guard, Ministries... So how the dumb Irish hounds are going to catch smart cunning Seychellois is beyond me Sir.
Mr. President: Yes Orderly, it is beyond me as well. But I got this report from an Irish reporter, and he said to solve the crime problem in Seychelles, I would have to hire outside, professional, Irish help. So I called him, and told him I want to follow the report, so people stop teasing me, so I told him, send his friends down to help. What’s wrong with that?
Orderly: Well Sir, firstly, it’s not very Presidential! Secondly Sir, it does not say much about being Independent. Thirdly, it will not solve our problems.
Mr. President: Well, why not Mr. Smartass Orderly?
Orderly: Well Sir, you see, our Escobars are sitting close to you and they speak Creole. They are amongst all of us Sir. It is getting real scary! The Irish have been ordered ‘hands off’ as those criminals have the power. So the trafficking continues with no end in sight…
Mr. President: Orderly I hope you are not – are you? or do you think the hole in the fence between the Coast Guard base and the Port might have something to do with this scenario Orderly?
Orderly: Na Mr. President! That was just an Irish hound digging’ under the fence to go find a bone, Sir, it cannot have anything to do with our people trafficking drugs. No way. With all the guns and security apparatus in that area? The hole in the fence is not big enough for containers to pass through, Sir. The containers are lifted above the fence and deposited on the Coast Guard side for collection. This operation is done at night, when there are few people about, Sir.
Mr. President: Ah, what about all the ‘lapoud’ in the South, Orderly. Where did that come from?
Orderly: Sir, that’s a different kind of ‘lapoud’! That’s baby powder for our children. It’s a new consignment to help us cope with this bout of rashes and prickly heat that is affecting ‘nou zanfan, nou trezor’. The new ambulance by the name of ‘bokbok’ is doing the rounds and taking care of this epidemic…
Mr. President: Great Orderly, glad to know that all is under control. Here take this little sachet sample that arrived with the latest consignment of diapers and get it tested for its astringent properties…
Orderly dabs some of the substance on his eczema-affected fingers and acknowledges the soothing properties. He takes a sniff to detect the scent. Yeah, this is Johnson’s baby powder alright as he nods his approval to a bemused Mr. President…